Member-only story
The Voice Inside My Head
There is this feminine myth in America that motherhood, marriage and homemaking are bondage. I’m not sure when it became the dominant thought pounded into our young, female minds, but I know that for most of my life, this message has been my constant companion.
I heard it from my mother. I heard it from my teachers. I heard it in the news. I heard it from the lips of my fellow sisters. I heard it in our music, read it in our stories and saw in art and film.
As I grew up, this voice developed inside of my own head. A voice that served me well as a younger woman, but almost killed me when the unfortunate event of an unplanned pregnancy entered my life. I’ve written about the struggles I had as a young mother. First as a woman in tech, trying to have it all, and then as a stay-at-home-mother, struggling with the voices of failure that haunted me in those rare quiet moments when my sons were napping. Accusing, harsh voices, telling me I’d sold out as a woman and was doomed to waste my beauty, time, and talent on the meaningless tasks of homemaking and caregiving.
Doomed to grow old in a cage while the smarter ones, including my husband, moved on.
With time however, the cage no longer felt like a prison. Instead it became a wonderland, filled with the ever evolving antics of my two young sons. I studied them, as well as myself…
