The Not-So-Empty Christmas Tree

There are so many ideas I cling to in life. From one day to the next, I set expectations, measure myself by them, and then attack all the various feelings that accompany a life of plans, because if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that life doesn’t ever go as planned. So as Christmas 2020 approached, I found myself a mess of emotions-partly anxious because our home was no longer standing and I had to somehow create a Christmas from scratch, and also scared because this was my sons’ first time home since the fire and I honestly didn’t know how to handle such a homecoming.

And of course there was my deepest fear-staring at the empty Christmas tree.

Decorating for the seasons has long been a hobby of mine ever since I had a home of my own. I love autumn as much as Christmas as much as spring. I got it from my mother, she loves a well decorated home. Nothing though, was as well curated as the Christmas tree. It began with my mother and godmother, who each gave me an ornament every Christmas since I was born. When I moved out of the house, my mom gave me all my ornaments and I still remember putting them up on that first tree of my own. I lived in a studio in Chicago, by myself, and while I had forty ornaments or so, I lacked a tree-topper and skirt. Moreover, the tree still looked bare. So I ran to the store down the street and picked up a few boxes of simple…