Goodbye Big Trees — Nicole Sallak Anderson

I’ve long had the habit of talking to the bees. It was something I’d been looking forward to during my time in California. Originally, I was supposed to return to the Big Trees in January, but my mother had some health issues and I needed to stay in Chicago until mid-March. Thus, my time at Big Trees was cut short by months.

It was a cold winter in California though, so I didn’t miss much. My poor husband came back in early February and endured five weeks of rain, 70 mph winds, 8 inches of snow, a leaking tiny home, and a broken heater. By the time I arrived, I’d hoped the winter would have passed but that wasn’t the case. It wouldn’t be until mid-April before it became warm enough for me to sit beside the bees and contemplate life, and even today it’s too chilly to do so. Bees are inactive when it’s cold out-like me, they prefer to bask in the sun.

Yesterday though, was a beautiful day, and as such, I was able to chat with my buzzing friends, the sunlight pouring over us, as they zoomed in and out of their hive. The grass that now grows over my goats’ grave swayed in the breeze and a pair of quail walked past, taking no note of me, as if I were invisible. I heard them coo to one another, prattling about their day. My gaze settled upon the meadow, and I closed my eyes, pretending I was on my back deck, trying to remember the life I lost in the…